Readers of my travel memoir, Islands on the Fringe, have wondered how the experience depicted in the book fits into the broader context of my personal life. Here follows some Q & A:
What events led to your ex-pat life in Micronesia, and how did you transition back to the mainland?
To simplify greatly, the proximal cause of my ex-pat life was the break-up, in April 1999, of my engagement to my then fiancée. Had I entered married life, as planned, in June of that year, I most likely would never have signed a teaching contract with COM-FSM. Looking back with the wisdom of hindsight, the breakup provided a blessing--albeit a blessing wrapped in pain--for it opened the door to priceless experiences. To the extent that I wrote IOTF as a travel memoir about Micronesia, and mindful of the low tolerance readers have for sappy sentimentality, I avoided writing seriously about the emotional and psychological legacy of my broken engagement. Consequently, the reader may infer from IOTF that I began my ex-pat life as a lighthearted adventurer. At times I did fit that profile, but a complete biography of that time would properly depict me as a refugee wandering the rubble of emotional ruin. When asked to place IOTF into the broader context of my personal life, I have to emphasize this dynamic. And, so long as making this confession, I'd like to apologize to my former COM-FSM colleagues for the wonton and unprofessional decisions that at times resulted from this emotional state.
As for making a successful transition back to the mainland: in truth, I'm not sure I ever did!
In Chapter 2 you describe a scene where the division secretary "perceives the buffoon at your troglodytic core." The tone comes across as humorous, but are you perhaps giving readers a hint of your then-actual psychological state?
Interesting question! I think that particular phrase, and the tone of self-deprecation it hints at, indicates a few underlying issues. One, the book itself employs self-deprecation as a narrative convention. During the writing process, I found I could convey certain events, scenes, and conflicts much more easily if the first-person narrator came across as awkward and clueless. To some extent, this narrative convention arose as a natural by-product of the setting, whose environmental and cultural components, in real life, had a very defamiliarizing effect. For the reader to more dramatically experience the island's defamiliarizing quality, I tell the story from the point of view of someone who only has partial understanding of his environment. At times I probably over-exaggerate this naivete, but, in general, the naivete makes sense in relation to the plot structure, which involves a journey happening to the traveler more than a traveler making a journey.
Second, and probably more significantly, the deprecating tone represents a manifestation of subconscious attitudes about ex-pat life. In my own case, which I consider representative for an early-career professional, the decision to sign an overseas employment contract precipitated a mind- state that oscillated continuously between exhilaration and doubt. Behind the thrill of new adventure there lurked a nagging fear, more powerful with the passage of time, of becoming a forgotten fish in an irrelevant pond. A product of the city, I often judged my ex-pat existence according to big-city standards, which of course only created a cloud of negativity. Those who successfully transition to the ex-pat life find a way to dispel such clouds, suppressing their mainland minds through alcohol, romantic exploits, adventure, etc. I had surfing, and when the surf was good I was in paradise.
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I had surfing, and when the surf was good I was in paradise. . .November 1999. Photo Copyright 1999 by S. Jacques Stratton
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But on Pohnpei the surf can go flat for weeks at a time, and during those weeks the doubt clouds gathered, sometimes with greater darkness. For those suffering such a mind state, events that might otherwise seem tolerable become overwhelming. Such was the cholera outbreak that occurred in May 2000. It pretty much tipped the scales, emotionally and mentally, for my return to California.
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